Phone: 780-803-8959 rodmichalchuk(at)shaw(dot)ca
11420 - 32 Ave., Edmonton, AB, T6J 3H5
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diecocksucker
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BACKGROUND:

There are twelve locations, all centrally administered and doing well. Dentists aren’t owners, they’re associates, so they get to focus on what they’re best at: dentistry. The day-to-day aspects of the business are all taken care of and that makes for a less stressful workplace.

Equipment is state of the art. Sterilization and infection control are likewise. Patient comfort is a major concern — environments are engineered to be warm and comfy, with lots of distraction: TVs, stereo headphones and massage chairs. Anaesthetic is warmed to body temperature, so there’s not even a hint of chill before the freezing sets in. And, if that’s not enough to allay patient fears, various degrees of sedation are available, from whiffs of laughing gas to an IV drip full of chemical happiness. Memory of the event is entirely optional.

THE WAY IN:

Canadians tend to have nice teeth. Standards of dental care are high nationwide, so quality care is nothing particularly special. It’s more expected than exceptional. All the cool dentists are doing it.

Another not-special thing is the effort made to render the experience as stress-free and comfortable as humanly possible. All the cool dentists are doing that too.

The only truly unique thing Dentalchoice has to offer is happier staff, which no one cares about. It’s nice for them, but it’s a non-issue from a prospective client’s what’s-in-it-for-me point of view.

Location, likewise, is another non-issue in regards to overall messaging. It is what it is. It's important when it comes to targeted admail, but as the lynchpin of a campaign, seriously, nobody cares.

So ... all things being equal, the only thing we have to offer is the same, but better. The smartest approach, in this case, is to focus on what resonates most strongly: the quality of care and the stress-free nature of the experience.

THE APPROACH:

In Alberta, dental advertising is mostly photos of pretty, smiling people with bland typography saying unsurprisingly safe things. That’s the default setting.

To stand out, to get noticed, communication has to break some rules, and, in this particular context, that requires a bold, perhaps even edgy, statement, presented in an un-dentist-like manner.

And, it has to make a simple, compelling promise, otherwise, amongst the barrage of competing media, no one will get it.

THE PROMISE IN 25 WORDS OR LESS:

Dentalchoice delivers the finest possible general, cosmetic and restorative dentistry — pain and stress-free. Locations are convenient, prices are reasonable and so are the hours.

THE PROMISE, ALL BOILED DOWN:

A mouthful of tender, loving care

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DENTALCHOICE 30-SECOND RADIO: CONCEPT #1 — PRIVATE EYE

Private Eye wants to sound flat-voiced and humourless. Client wants to be at the frayed end of his emotional tether. The voice-over at the end wants to sound like a smart, friendly, middle-aged woman.

If the Dragnet theme is un-licensable, something equally cop-like and self-important will do.

[SFX] Dragnet theme music: dum da-dum dum

[Private Eye] One fifty-six pee em. Subject parks her car and goes inside. East entrance, Dentalchoice Location Four.

Two oh two. She is led to a massage chair, where she sits, headphones on, listening to light classical music. Work gets done — upper right amalgam filling replaced with ceramic.

[Client] That’s what she told me, but she looked so happy ... so … I don't know … peaceful. I thought ... [exasperated noise]

[Private Eye] Your wife is not having an affair.

[Client] But Helen HATES the dentist. It makes no sense.

[SFX] More Dragnet music running under the VO

[VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Edmonton locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

[Alt. VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Calgary locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

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DENTALCHOICE 30-SECOND RADIO: CONCEPT #2 — OVERSTAY

Helen sounds sweet and wistful. At the same time she also sounds like her mouth is frozen. Apparently the dentist has seen this kind of behavior before — doesn’t exactly lose patience with her. Once again, the voice-over at the end wants to sound like a friendly, middle-aged woman.

[SFX] We’re in the workspace of a dentist’s office. Chairs creak. Metal clicks against metal. Water runs. There’s soothing classical music over all with a hint of birdsong in the distance.

[Dentist] We’re all done, Helen. You’ll be fine. The freezing'll let up soon.

[Helen] [A soft, protesting sigh, then prolonged silence]

[SFX] The music continues. Rubber gloves snap, coming off.

[Dentist] Helen. Really. It’s time to go.

[Helen] But … it’s so nice here.

[Dentist] [deep, exasperated sigh]

[VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Edmonton locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

[Alt. VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Calgary locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

[SFX] The music comes to a satisfying conclusion.

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DENTALCHOICE 30-SECOND RADIO: CONCEPT #3 — PHONE CALL

It’s Helen again, and she sounds just as sweet and wistful as she did before. The receptionist is ultra-professional — she’s seen it all and she knows when to be firm.

Once more, the woman doing the voice-over at the end wants to sound friendly and confident.

[SFX] The warble of a modern-day office phone, surrounded by the ambient noises of a busy dental office. There’s classical music playing, with the same hint of birdsong in the distance.

[Receptionist] Hello, Dentalchoice.

[Helen] Um … hello? [she sounds shy—tentative]

[Receptionist] Helen? Is that you?

[Helen] Mm-hm.

[Receptionist] Aw Helen.

[Helen] There’s something wrong. I know it. Maybe I could just sit in the massage chair, with the stereo headphones. The doctor could have a look.

[Receptionist] You were in yesterday and there was nothing wrong then. And the week before. I don’t think there’s anything wrong now.

[Helen] But … I had candy.

[VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Edmonton locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

[Alt. VO] Dentalchoice — a mouthful of tender, loving care, with six Calgary locations. Dentalchoice dot see eh.

[SFX] Music comes to a satisfying conclusion.

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Hail Ledcoria

RATIONALE AND THIRTY-SECOND radio scripts for a nonexistent conglomerate of dental clinics. This was a trial by ordeal — a test of my copywriting ability — that I underwent at the behest of some exceptionally uptight people I ended up working for.